Hilary’s tale of woe makes me want to padlock my cutlery drawer and eat exclusively with chopsticks.
***
Having recently turned 30, I thought I was finally past being confused by men. I’m usually fairly confident when it comes to figuring out if a guy is interested in me or not. The signs are pretty universal.
Well, colour me confused. After almost a year of flirting (across the Starbucks counter where I worked), Matt finally asked me out. We decided to meet up for a drink.
One drink in, he asks “So, what are your plans tonight?”
Um… having drinks with you?
Turns out he had a friend’s party that he needed to get to. So our date was cut short. A week passed and he continued to flirt with me at work, so I called him to make other plans. He made some excuse as to why he couldn’t get together. Disappointing, but fine. Yet he continued to flirt at work, even waving at me through the window on the days that he didn’t come in.
Time passed and nothing changed, until I started running into him at my local pub. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t at work, or that alcohol was involved, but he kicked the flirting up a notch. It started off with his lightly touching my knee and the small of my back. Then it turned into huge bear hugs, actually putting his beer down to hug me. He bought me drinks, and invited me to sit with his friends. He tells me that he’d bought a boat and he’s really hoping I’ll come out on the lake with him in the summer. MAKING FUTURE PLANS! That’s pretty good, right?!
One night out, his flirting was even more obvious. At one point, his arm is resting on my leg. He leans right in close and whispers “Can I come home with you to spoon?” A fairly odd request, but I assume it’s code for at least making out.
Finally! This might actually be moving forward!
At the end of the night, we make our way back to my place, and I head to the washroom. When I come out, I don’t see him in my living room where I had left him. I look in my bedroom and he is in my bed, lying on his back, with the duvet pulled right up to his face. Like a little kid.
I get ready for bed and crawl in and I realize that he is still fully clothed, even with his keys, cell and wallet still in his pockets. I’m starting to wonder if he is a lot drunker than I thought. I convince him to at least empty his pockets. We kiss for a few minutes (at my suggestion) and then he lies down and spoons me. OK, I get it. He was pretty literal with his request. So we go to sleep. Spooning.
When I wake up in the morning, I head to the washroom and when I come out, he’s in his coat and putting on his boots. I walk over towards him and he holds his hand up for a high five. I slap his hand and he says, “Well, thanks for the spoon!”
And walks out the door.
I stand at the door for a few minutes, dumbfounded. A high-five? Really?
Now, don’t get me wrong: I do appreciate the fact that he wasn’t just trying to get in my pants. He may genuinely like me, just doesn’t like me enough to actually want to date me? I don’t know. I still see Matt at the pub from time to time. He still buys me drinks and bear hugs me and rests his hand on my lower back.
I don’t think I’ll ever really understand him, but my friends and I will forever call him Spooner.
Yeah…that’s pretty confusing. No theories at all. None.
I hope she forgives me for saying so, but that sounds exactly like something that would happen to Ms. Young.
Oh, completely.
So much blinking.
Hah! That’s exactly what I thought, too.
i’ve known a spooner…they’re perplexing in their mating rituals
I looooove spooning! But this dude gives spooning a bad name.
Maybe he’s gay?
Wow… Some men I will never understand! He seemed to be interested in you, just only enough to ‘spoon’ and give you a high five?? There have been so many situations with men over the years that have left me puzzled like this; they seem so interested, they commence the chase, yet duck-out just as you show them any interest!?! The story of Spooner is classic! “Colour me confused” too! Good luck!
Okay so here’s what you do, go on the offensive and next time you see him invite him back to your place to spoon. When the spooning time comes tell him this time you’re big spoon and he’s little spoon. After a few minutes tell him you hate spooning and suggest forking. If he refuses you ruffle his hair like a child, high five him and offer to call him a cab. If anything it would make a great follow up tale
I invite women over to high five and then spoon them on the way out. Color me confusing.
My theory: He’s asexual.
“Oh, you assume, do you? And what did they say about assumptions being the brother of all fuck-ups?”
- Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
We have definitely kicked that theory around!
That’s what I thought too. A lot of asexuals prefer cuddling or spooning as opposed to sex. Of course, this varies from asexual to asexual (I’m one of the asexuals who hate being touched).
No offense, but this lame story sounds like the lame stories I hear from everyone else… and which I experience myself.
The reason nothing better happens is because most people are afraid to put themselves out there to take things further. If you want more, tell him, or initiate something. Don’t always leave it to the other person (man or woman) to do so.
I believe she requested make-outs?
I agree, whether you are a man or a woman, if you like someone a lot you should definitely initiate something and say how you feel. However, I don’t think that this is a “lame” story. I believe sometimes when you have had a crush on a person for a long time and, in this case, have been mutually flirting from a distance for over a year, it’s more complicated to just come out and say “I like you” when you don’t know whether or not your crush just has a flirty personality.
I think that she took initiative a few times; when she called him back after their first so-called “date” in where he asked her out and then skipped OUT to a party. (That in itself, I give her credit for calling him back. I would have thought that was his polite way of saying “I’m just not that into you”; because if he really liked me, then it shouldn’t be a big deal to bring me to a party. He should want too! Or he could have ditched the party completely, because I’m freakin’ amazing!) She also allowed him to touch her knee and the small of her back, which was again a sign in itself that she was interested in him; because if you don’t like a guy, you don’t allow him to put his hands all over you.
Then to top it off, as Sofi mentioned, she had to initiate the kissing session that happened prior to the “spooning” incident. And let us not forget that she let him sleepover. If “Spooner” did not get any hints that she was interested in him after all those moments, then she was right to high five him and send him on his way without saying another word.
I agree and am guilty of having done that many times. But, 1) I Don’t think an employee asking out a customer is appropriate. 2) If I had called him for a second date twice I would instantly be the crazy girl who can’t take a hint and 3) I took him home, got into bed in my underwear and suggested making out… I’m pretty sure that’s initiating something